Note: This post was migrated over from my former blog, jswish.blog.
Every Monday, I start my work day the same way:
- Check my emails from over the weekend.
- Review and approve site publish requests.
- Fill in my planner with the week’s schedule from both of my digital calendars.
When I got to step 3 today, I was met with the entire week crossed out. This week, had it not been for the COVID-19 pandemic, would have been the week of WordCamp US. This would have been my eighth WordCamp as an organizer and my fourth WCUS. It would have also been my final WordCamp as an organizer for at least a little while. It was my intent after this year’s edition of WCUS to “retire” from WordCamp organizing for a bit to explore other ways to contribute to the WordPress open source project.
Seeing this week crossed out hit me, hard. I cried a little lot. When I crossed that week out in my planner in January, things were so different; the world was different. There was so much more to be hopeful for then. Since then:
- A global pandemic has raged across the United States. Millions have been infected with COVID-19 and over 225 thousand people have been killed.
- WCUS went to a digital format to protect the safety of our attendees.
- My dad was diagnosed with COVID-19.
- In early July, I stepped down as a WCUS organizer to protect my mental health. It wasn’t a decision I’ve shared publicly, but I’m not ashamed of it. At the end of the day, life > WordCamp and my mental health needed to be a priority.
- Later in July, WCUS was cancelled.
- Recently, my employer eliminated my position. My last day is in the first week of January. I’m heartbroken.
It’s easy to look at that list and feel hopeless; I do sometimes. But then, I think of something the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said:
So often in life, things that you regard as an impediment turn out to be great, good fortune.
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
If I reframe my hopelessness to see the “great, good fortune,” things look a little different:
- My employer is letting employees work remotely. I have been working remotely since March and have loved the positive impact it has had on my morale. It wasn’t a huge adjustment, because it’s how I’ve been working on WordCamps for all of these years. 🙂
- My dad’s COVID case ended up being fairly mild. I thank the universe for that every day. He has a number of complex medical conditions in addition to being high-risk due to his age. I’m incredibly grateful he’s still with us. There’s so many who can’t say the same.
- Giving myself the space to focus on my mental health has been a lifesaver. I moved myself to weekly therapy sessions and found a great psychiatrist. Between talk therapy and medication to manage my panic attacks, I’m moving in the right direction.
- Because WCUS isn’t happening, I can spend my vacation days on actual relaxation. I always loved spending those days with my extended WordPress family, but not having the PTO was tough.
- Losing my job is scary and I don’t really know what next looks like yet. But I know that I will land on my feet somewhere. I’m an incredibly hard worker and I will be okay.
At the end of the day, 2020 has been an immensely difficult year. And I would be a liar if I said I didn’t want for it to be over. But, it’s also been a year where I’ve learned so much about myself. That I am resilient. That when times get tough, I get tougher. And that, is a great, good fortune.